WOOT!

Woot for Jesus! Because as I told Lindsey and Cami the other day, I am only the hands that type.

50,127 words.

yes ladies and gentlemen, I have just finished 9 days ahead of schedule.

scratch that, Jesus has finished it 9 days ahead.

sara

welome to seattle. I walked to safeway in the pouring rain today. (without an umbrella)

The sky is grey, soft and far away. The last leaves cling to just a few of the enormous trees out her window. Houses dot the hillside. Another car has just come into the parking lot. A red fence sags under the wight of water. It rained today. But that is not a surprise. It rains everyday. Christmas lights twinkle around the ceiling of her room. There she lies, on the bed, freezing under a blanket. Someone is screaming and running in the hall. Sighing, she throws the blanket back, gets up, shuts the door. She settles down again, with another blanket and a mug of cold tea. This time on the desk, cheek pressed against the glass that lets in the outside world. Her breath makes fog on the cold window. Outside there is nothing, only greyness. A song plays from her laptop.

And it's just you and me
here now
Only you and me
Here now.
And I will
Worship
you lord, only you Lord
and I will, I will bow down
before you, only you Lord.

and it's just you and me here now.
only you and me
it's you and me
and it's just you and me
here now.

She sits the mug on the desk, empty. Burries her head in her hands and cries. God, God where are you? Where have you been? What is this that I have fallen into? This is not me, this is a lie, and it is apart from you. O God, O God, what have I become? her voice begins to rise, she begins to rock. Back and forth, back and forth. Save me, from myself. I'm so afraid, so alone, so not who I am, who I was, who I want to be. But you promised! and then softer, you promised. And I will wait on you.

The sun breaks through the clouds. Not strong, a single ray. But the rain has stopped. A shaft of light breaks into the grey landscape. Another leaf flutters to the ground, dancing on the wind, fighting to stay in the sky, but in the end he reaches the moist ground where he will disolve and lose shape. But everything must die before it can truly live.

I must die before I can truly live.

sighing

Popi,

yo se que no te gusta que estemos tristes, pero ahora, estoy una poquita triste. I am a lump of sadness. Jaja. Pero, a veces Popi es la verdad. Ya es. Es porque, quiero un novio ya. Es un poquito raro no? Antes de ayer, estaba tan contenta con ser sola. Y ya, no es como quiero un novio para completarme. Yo se que soy una persona completa en tu. Y yo se que no necesito un novio. Es raro no? Estoy contenta sin un novio, pero en el mismo tiempo, lo quiero.

Creo es la culpa de Kathleen y Jorge. Ellos tiened una relacion muy bien, y tambien otras de mis amigas aca. Hay un hombre aca que me gusta, y a veces yo tengo deseos.... No mucho, solo a veces. Popi, es muy mal? o no? No se que debo pensar en esta situacion.

Popi!! Porque me amas? No es de mi personalidad, o mis perfeciones. (Jaja) Soy la opuesta. La opuesta. Pero me amas con todo de mis problemas. Porque tengo estas emociones? Sean importantes para ti? O no? Yo se que nos dijiste que todo es importante a ti. Pero este? Ja, creo que no. Entonces, es muy mal, que estoy hablando contigo de esto.

Entonces, quiero hablar de cosas mas importantes. Tu gloria, por ejemplo. Voy a tener tu gloria? No, no es posible. Tenera tu bien opinion? Ja, no. No puedo creerlo. Pero, eso es la bonita de nuestra relacion. Tu eres mas que puedo entender. Ja, Popi, porque me amas, me encantas, me aceptas? Porque?

Muchas gracias para este, para me amas. Tu eres bastante para mi, no? Tu fuerte es mas perfecta en mi debilidades. Muchisimas gracias para todo. Mi vida, mi familia (!!), mis amigos, tu amor, todo.

Te extrano. Quiero volver a cielo, a mi lugar.

Te amo. Me recuerdas.

I read the news today oh boy...

I am actually listening to that song right now, and it so perfectly describes how I feel. There is a bunch of crap going on back at home. What is wrong with the world? What is wrong with people? How can we honestly, truly be this screwed up? And I can do nothing. Even prayer seems so meaningless right now.

on a happier note, I am at 33,688 of my 50,000 words for the month, and I got all of my classes for next quarter. So my sched looks like:

MWF 9.30-10.50
UCOR (arts and Christian Community)

MWF 11.00-12.20
Intro to Politics

MWF 1.30-2.50
Intro to Sociology

M 6.00-8.50
Community Economic Developement

that's right. I don't have any classes TR. woot Jesus. Just think how much I can write then!

in mourning,
Sara

hm

You know, as I write this novel, I have really been learning about my relationship with God. I think I have discovered this whole new aspect that I never knew about before. The characters in this novel have become real people, important people to me. Not like I have conversations with them, that would be bad. But I just got back fromtelling Kellie and Lindsey that they're courting now, and it's exciting. I'm excited for Isaac and Agie in this relationship. (no thhis is not a cheap romance novel)

I feel like I can understand, at least in part, how God feels towards us. We are his creation and he takes great pride in us, and he wants the best for us. He doesn't want to destroy or hurt something that he created, that would be heart wrenching to him. I never knew what this was like before this novel. I really want life to turn out okay for Isaac and Agie. and even though they aren't real, I am excited to see what happens in their life (which of course I am in control of). I don't know if this makes much sense, but, it does to me, and I am mainly writing this post just so I never forget what it felt like to discover this great love that God has for his creation.

much love to all,

sara

WOOT!

I have 22,584 words so far! YES!

BECCA!!!!

WHERE ARE YOU???

heart, sara

the parking lot has quickly emptied

as everyone leaves for a long weekend.

I was looking at old friends on face book and was glancing at Matt's profile. Is this strange? it made me miss home and everyone at Mission Hills. I think I will go back there during Christmas, something in me just pulls to go. What will people think? What will they say?

I am really sad about all the relationships I am realizing I miss out on in high school. Matt and I could have been friends, but I was too shy, and I never talked to him. I know it seems strange to call myself shy, ut I was. I wanted to know Matt, I wanted to know a lot of people, but I couldn't. I couldn't seem to find my voice whenever I saw him, I couldn't find anything to talk about. so I missed out on what could have been a great friendship.

Maybe it is the sun breaking through the clouds, maybe the leaves wafting to the ground in the slight breeze. Maybe it is the empty lot, and that Alicia, Hannah, Natalie, Nick, Amanda, Kellie, everyone seems to be leaving. Maybe it is the lack of sleep and the procrastination towards my speech tonight.

Whatever it is, I am feeling very sad, and very nostalgic.

I love my friends

Ali: don't you just look at him and want to be friends with him? (pause) and by friends I mean kiss him?

Krysta: I'm obsessed with you! But not in a stalkerish kind of way.

stoned man: Show me a church that isn't corrupt.
Pastor Mark: How about mine? Wanna come to my church?

Hannah: (singing) let's get high and read the Bible, let's get high and read the Bible, I love to learn about Jesus when I'm stoned!

that lat one you would understand if you heard last week's sermon at Mars where they showed this clip of this stoned guy from hemp fest talking to our pastor about Jesus and how he faked the resurection with hashish...

I love this man:

not like that of course. Ladies and Gentlemen; introducing:

Mark Driscoll.

The pastor of Mars Hill Church (one of the 60 fastest growing churches in the US and one of the most influential as well)... thanks to our pastor, our elders for guidance, the poeple who pray for us, and most of all, God who has blessed this church beyond words.

I want to tell you a bit about my church, but I also need 600 more words to hit my quota for the day so this will be short. We have about 5000 members at 3 different campuses and 7 different services. It's amazing. Anyway, that's about it. You should def download last week's sermon. It's amazing, even if you just listen to the part about Hemp Fest and how Pastor Mark went. It awesome. Do it. http://marshillchurch.org it's on the right, the sermon is "Did Jesus Rise From Death?"

I love you,

sara

Well

I will probably be antisocial and therefore antiblogging for about the next month. I am sorry, I do love any of you who still read this, but I writing a novel this month, so our relationship right now is a bit complicated.

You know, I am watching my fingers in the reflection on the window as I type, and it's really cool. I love the way they look as they move from key to key, like a great furious dance, especially when I get passionate about what I'm writing. I love to watch the way our bodies move, gracefully, clumsily, sweetly, everything is just amazing. I am so in awe of God. I mean, he thought of everything when he made us. I know tha tmay seem obvious to some people, but it just hits me so hard as I watch the way my hands can work, in such an awkward cramped position. I mean, God actuallly put a lot of thought into us, and not just us, but everything. I love it. It's so great, so crazy, so amazing. I so in love with God write now. As a father, and as a lover.

Yeah. that's all, just really in love.

and I'm still watching my hands as they go. I want to type forever just to see it. To see God in the craziness of my hands.

grace and peace to you from God our Father,
sara