OH MY GOSH!

Everyone at my house is in a really bad mood. They say they are just fine, but noooo, no one is happy at my house. WE ARE ALL PISSED OFF AT EACH OTHER.


And the stupid house is so freaking small that I can go no where to get away from it all. My god, I have basically shut my self up in the office, as though that isolates me from my father watching tv like ten feet outside the door.

So, be prepared, don't read this if you don't want to. But I am going to rant. (oh and if you do leave a comment, do NOT lecture me about how great my life is. I do not freaking care today, okay? okay.)

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO TUNISIA. The reason I wanted to go, moron was because you were going. I don't want to walk around for ten days and pray. Okay? Praying is not my thing, it's great and all, but no, I REFUSE to do that for a week or more, straight. I don't pray like everyone else, and I will not be forced onto a trip where that is all we are going to do, and everyone is staring at me when I do something other than what they expect out of the stupid pastor's daughter. No, okay? Don't try to talk me into it, I am not going. Okay? Capiche?

I WANT TO GO TO TURKEY. Okay, I don't really understand mom's whole issue about me flying through Germany. Really, I think I can handle myself. I know you said that I would have a good time, yeah, okay, why do you think I want to go? I mean, it's more than just that, I want to go and serve God, obviously, but I want to enjoy serving him. I don't mean that in the shallow way it sounds either. I mean that in the, I want to be happy and not be pissed off the whole trip kind of way. Sort of. I can't really explain it. But you know what? I didn't meet Dorle for no reason. That family didn't get home early for no reason! HELLO? Oh my word, coincedences don't exist, arent you the one who told me that? THis is something that I want to do, how can you not understand that? I DON'T CARE ABOUT TWO EXTRA DAYS IN LONDON EITHER. I don't want my summer to be a mirage of Missions and Family trips. I want to be at home with my friends. Okay? Becuase I am not okay with change, and this summer is going to be crappy enough.

Yes, I want pizza tonight. Oh my gosh, I can't drive. Whoa, shocker, sorry I realized that last minute and I'm sorry you got all pissed off at mom as though it was entirely her fault. I mean it is, becuase she's the one who took the keys away, but I am the one who came home 45 minutes late last night. My lord, be mad at me for crying out loud. Then go to sleep and get over it. I'm sorry you are so tired, woop dee doo, welcome to my world. We call it the place where I am always running on starbucks and am addicted to coffee and will probably never get off of it because I can't survive without it, because I am always exhausted.

And I'm sorry I got home late last night. But really, 9:30 was UNREASONABLE. And mom seriously, you didn't want me to go out. Why did you leave the decision up to me? Because I am mature enough to say no and stay at home on a Saturday night? What the frick? No. Mature, I am not, at least not in the way you want me to be. It just isn't gonna happen. If you didn't want me to go out, you should have just said no. And onthe issue of TP, I, sorry to say, couldn't care less what your feelings are. I am a senior in highschool. I go to a youth group where TPing is a practically a requirement among my friends. I will TP and someday when I am old, will apologize and actually mean it. I'm sorry I dissappointed you, but really, I'm not sorry I had a good time last night. I'm not sorry that we almost hit a mailbox and that I supposedly blew Mr. Lira off when asked to clean up the TP. I'm sorry that you waited up for me. But like I said tonight, that is your decision. None of my other friends' parents wait up for them, you are the oddity. Do you have any idea how trapped I felt last night? How trapped you make me feel every time I go out? I want to get home so you can go to bed and not be pissy the next day, but I want to enjoy life too. I did well last semester, give me a break, I WILL enjoy my freaking senior year. And last night? You were already mad at me when I left, there was much incentive for me to come home ontime. although, with God as my witness, I planned to be home at 9:25, just to make you feel at least a bit more charitable towards me. But oh my word, I had a rebellious moment. Even if I had come home after TPing Logan's I still would have been late, and you still would have been pissed. So really, I might as well have enjoyed my last night of freedom.

And I'm sorry that you are going to miss me so much when I go to college. I'll miss you too, really, I will. But I am not going to miss your unreasonable rules. I am 18 in a few months. A legal adult. I already have a lot more responsibilities than most of my friends. But I don't have nearly as much freedom. Do you realize how embarrassing it was to have that guy at Blockbuster tell me I couldn't rent Animal House because you had a stupid thing on the card about no R rated movies? I don't care about the stupid worker. But do you know that I almost died of mortification in front of my friends? I was dying, because of one of your STUPID rules.

I don't know. I am ranting a lot. I am really frustrated. Obviously I know.

But mom just brought me down dinner to the office. And while that would be a sign of making up, did you see the way she stormed out? As though I was an inconvenience? I offered to buy pizza because she isn't feeling well!!! Oh my gosh, GOD! I can do nothing right in this place! It is never enough! They love me, but are they ever really really proud and content with me? No! They always want something more, something more mature, more amazing. God, I can't do this. I'm not perfect. I never will be.

And frankly, I don't to be. That would be the crappiest thing ever.