Oh my gosh

I have decided, based on recent events in my life:

1. Relationships in highschool are highly overrated
2. Relationships in highschool affect not only you and your bf/gf the GREATLY affect your friends
3. Relationships in highschool are going to end (for me, within the year)
4. Relationships in highschool are bad when both people are insecure and become dependent on the other for meaning/reason in their life
5. Breakups in highschool GREATLY affect the group of people that you hang out with
6. Relationships in highschool, are in my humble opinion, fairly pointless

Go back and realize how much you dating/breakup with someone from your group of friends can have crazy weird effects and create strange dynamics within the group you run around with. It is not all about you. (though an unhealthy relationship should, regardless of your friends, be broken off.)

Affectionately Yours,
Sara

This place could use an update!

but nothing interesting has gone on in my life of late. Mark left this morning, Kari left yesterday. My mom won't stop researching new colleges (as if I needed more options) and I have waaaay too much reading for US History.

So this is from my journal, from Sunday night after Elevation...

Aug 21, 2005

Tonight at Elevation we took communion. Z this morning in youth group asked us, when was the lsat time we cried over our lost friends? So tonight at Elevation I sort of consecrated my communion.
I promised God to be uncompormising this year. I gave everything to him. My friends, my fears for them, and my fears of their rejection. I took communion and promised to live this year for his glory. To live for him---for my friends. That they might see a difference in me because of God, that they would want his love like he wants to give it to them.
I gave him my word. I took an oath. And like the prayer in the front of this book [A Zimbabwe Pastor's Prayer--Martyred] I will NOT back down and forget what I said I would do.
I put a request in the vase. That they would lift me up to God [in prayer]. That I would have the strength to reach lost people--though I myself am screwed up.
I came back to my seat and I cried over my lost friends. Because I know they hurt. Because I know they need God. Because I know they are going to Hell without him.
Because this is my last chance, I cried.

Let what we do in here
Fill the streets out there
Let us dance for you
Let us dance for you

Peace of Christ be with you,
Sara

A servant's heart....

So, I had been praying to have a servant's heart. I don't always serve very easily. Come live at my house if you don't believe me.

Anyway, I have been noticing more and more, not an eagerness to help out, or do anything, but a sort of willingness. I offer to do things more often, sometimes, I even unload the dishwasher without being asked! I was thinking today, that it's kind of crazy, mainly because I couldn't have done this by myself and that it is totally a God thing in changing my heart.

Which was interesting, because you know, they always tell you that in church. You can't change your life, God does that. Well woopdedoo.

I think, it might be true. =]

I was standing in the airport, and all of a sudden, well, it was more easily coming than 'suddenly.' It sort of washed over me. Whoa, God really does change us. There are things that I want to change in my life, I just have to make it a consistent thing in my prayer life, and no, it doesn't happen over night, but it happens. I couldn't have given myself a servant's heart. I could have forced my self to slap a smile on and do the dishes for my mom. But that isn't quite the same thing, is it?

Only God can change me. I just have to ask. And realize, that I really can't do anything on my own. I really can't. Which makes him that much more amazing.

Ayoo,
Sara

City Council Meeting on SOBs...

I have been at dance kaliedescope for 10 years. It has been my dream ever since I was 3 to become one of the best students, and to go on to dance as a career. To have my dream ruined, not because of injury, or lack of talent, is crushing. I have a question for you city council members. When I come out of dance lessons, in my skin tight uniform, and some jerk from a nearby sexually oriented business directs a rude comment at me, what should I say? And the next time? And the time after that?
--girl at the meeting last night on the zoning of sexually oriented businesses.

(they have decided to delay their decision until next monday. The meeting went on for hours last night. If they really are delegates, elected to voice/represent our opinions and views, then they need to put that disgusting schmuck in Zone 2, take away the properties on Clinton Street and invoke the 1000 foot rule)

Where is everyone going?

I came trudging over the thousandth rolling hill. The bright green grass was unruly, I stood buried up to my ankles in it. Wiping perspiration from my forehead, I prepared to head on. The bright yellow sun was beautiful today. The endless hills were soft and easy to walk. I had no place in particular that I was trying to get to. No one that I was in desperate need of seeing. Just sort of wandering around, walking these thousand hills.

A smiling blonde passed in front of me and waved. I forced a smile back, and continued on my way. A tall young man with brown hair gel-d up gave me a hug and then ran by. I stopped, frozen in my path. He hugged me. Where the heck am I? I turned to my left, the direction these two crazies had come from.

My eyes widened. I even rubbed them to be sure, I wasn't imagining this. Hundreds, maybe even thousands were coming down one of the larger hills into this little valley between the rolling lumps of green. Then, I saw them out of the corner of my eye. People coming down the hill straight across from me. The one I had been planning to go up. The people laughed and waved to each other. The two groups began to converge, and turned west, into the setting sun.

"You are worthy!" someone cried as they passed me. They laughed and danced away. What the heck? I thought. My chin, I am sure, was resting on the ground between my feet. I could only stare as people passed me. All with smiles. They were laughing, cheering, singing, shouting, some laughed even through tears.

Someone rushed up and grabbed my hands, trying to pull me into the sea of people. "Are you coming? Are you coming?!" I shook my head in bewilderment. No way was I going anywhere with these psychos until I knew where they going.

Another person appeared at my side and smiled down. Average height, skinny, curly brown hair, brown eyes that screamed wisdom. My soul reached out to him, begging for answers. He saw my struggle and wrapped me up in a hug before either of us spoke. When we let go, we turned to watch the people as they went by in droves. Finally, the questions came.

"Who are these people?"

"They, are from every nation, tribe, language, everywhere from anywhere on our beautiful earth."

"Where are they going?" I asked, as a child pushed dandelions into my hand. I tried to smile at the strange gift as the small girl ran away with shouts of glee.

"Children are so sweet aren't they?" he said, smiling after the energetic girl. I tried to nod, but another woman was running by, distracting me.

"I will praise you!" she cried, almost to the sky. And a man, catching her hands and dancing with her in a circle, "Sing it! Never stop singing!"

"Where are they going? And who did you say these people were again?" The young man beside me laughed.

"These are the Children of the Most High," he smiled down at me here, "And we are going to the house of God," pause, "are you coming?"

"The house of God?" I scoffed, "The house of God?"

"Yes."

"As in, like, God? Like his house?" he smiled broadly at my confusion.

"Come on, I'll show you." I shrank back.

"No, I--I think I'm okay."

"Where are you going that can't wait?"

"Going? Oh," I laughed, "I'm not going much of anywhere. I mean, I'm going somewhere, I just hadn't decided yet exactly."

"Come with me." I paused, I wanted to say yes. My rebuttles seemed so useless, so insignificant. How could I hold back when so many were going. They were dancing past me, running and walking, laughing and crying. Such a strange people. And this man beside me, he acted as though it was all okay, all normal.

And he wanted me to go with them. More than that, I knew that he realized my hunger, saw my emptiness and wished to fill me. He made no promises of his own, but something reached out and said that where he was going would fill me beyond reckoning. "Come with me." He was beginning to edge away.

"Where?"

"We're going to the house of God. Are you coming?" A smile covered my face suddenly. He knew my answer and reached out his hand. I caught it and we went running together. Racing into the western sun, into the arms of our God.

are you coming?
sara

Wooo!

Ryan linked me! I feel so special! (no joke)

also, just want to let you know about a few recent linkages....

Chapter One is the new title of Sarah John's blog Such Great Heights
Deliberate Dialogue is Zman's new addition to the blogging world
Kitsch*nsync is Ken Curry's site. No, I don't understand that title.
God's Gal is Shaylee who is the coolest sophomore ever
Feels Like Home is by Laura, who is an amazing junior
Hot. Fresh. (actually Hot. Fresh. Just for you) is Rocky who is quite the writer

and I think that is all! Have a wonderful day folks!

and thanks Ryan! I feel so loved!


Wog maho,
sara

Today is a lazy sort of day....

All rainy and cloudy and coldish. I like days like today. I want to get some hot chocolate and a big blanket and curl up with a good book.

Well, today, it was cappucino (mmm) and a old long sleeve college shirt while cleaning my room. I went through a lot of old things. Letters, old stories, some poems, magazines, all that jazz. I had a lot of time to think and reflect on this summer (because most of the junk in my room has accumulated over the last two months or so).

I thought mostly about my conversation way long time ago with Nathan and Mr. Hooks. We talked about why there were so many more conversions to Christ in the early church. Not that the church today isn't growing, but sometimes, it does seem stagnant.

Mr. Hooks said that he thinks the reason they had so much courage in the early church, and why they were so outgoing about their faith, was how they looked at the return of Christ. They looked at it as imminent, it could happen at any moment. They felt that they were limited in their time that they had to share the love of Christ with others. It was like 'save as many as you can.'

I think that we look at the history of the church and go, he hasn't come for 2000 years, he sure isn't coming anytime soon. But that simply isn't true. He could come at any moment, he could even come before you finish reading this sentence. Well, so He didn't. But the thing is, you don't know when he is coming, and you don't know how much time you have. So use it all. Stop worrying about the things of today and tomorrow. I spend sooo much time thinking about my future, what am I going to name my kids? (I love the name Charlotte) where might I retire? (certainly not Littleton! lol). I need to focus on today, and who I can tell about God's love, right now.

Which is a scary thought, when you think about it. I don't want to go to school on Thursday and jump into to telling Becca and Kels about God. That's terrifying. But I need to stop putting it off. Afterall, if Jesus comes back on Friday, I missed my only chance to tell them about him.

He's coming, we just don't know when. And we can't waste a single minute. There are people out there that are dying for him, they have to be told before time runs out.

Save as many as you can.


Totsiens,
sara

All the cool kids are doing it:

Come see the softer side of Bibbster
I'd like to buy the world a Bibbster
Bring out the Bibbster
No-one does chicken like Bibbster (hah! I'm like a chef! wooo)

Bibbster born and bred

check it out check it out


Aw law law eh g'o i de,
Bibbster

I don't have friends....

Or so, I told Austin Curry tonight at Logan's. (Nathan! I can not believe you did not drag Connor to Castle Pines! What is up with that?)

He asked if I had friends at school, and the automatic response came something like this: Lord, no.

I have slowly been realizing this summer that that is really the truth. I mean, okay, I have Nathan, I guess, if he isn't tired of my nagging from this summer. You could say that I have Connor, but you know, that relationship is unpredictable. Hannah, maybe, I mean, we haven't talked all summer. But you know, we hang during the year, so long as Laura isn't around.

Laura, (different one), I would say that Laura and I are friends. So why hasn't she called me all summer?

So, basically, I have just begun to realize, that all my relationships are at church. Which Austin, with a laugh, said can be a good thing and a bad thing. But actually it really sucks overall. I mean, who the heck am I going to homecoming with? Oh wait! I guess I won't. And prom? I told Cam to keep his night open (haha) but what group would I go with? I don't know anyone that I want to spend that night with. I am for sure not going with Connor and Nathan. (No offense, but Nathan, if you take, who I am thinking of, I don't know her. And Connor, you would step on my feet and I would fly off, and then ruin it for both of us.)

I don't know what to do. I am just realizing that this year could be really crummy. And I don't have friends. I have hung out with people from school.... ONCE THIS ENTIRE SUMMER! and it was after registration! So that hardly even counts! I have just spent so much time with the kids from church this summer, I don't know waht I am going to do only seeing them twice a week.

And to top it all off, I think I like someone who I don't really want to like. Yeah, tonight pretty much sucks.

Moaz and Imed came for dinner

"I was offered a transfer, and I said no. There is no dust on my feet, why should I leave?"
-Moaz

It seems so plain on the screen, but if you could have heard him say those words, it would mean so much more. He was telling us about the school where he teaches, and how it is a dangerous area. He said he kisses his wife and children goodbye every morning, just in case he does not come back.

But he will not leave, because there is no dust on his feet. He was talking about that verse, 'if they do not accept you, shake the dust of their city from your sandals' or something like that.

And though there is danger, there is no dust on his feet.

quote of the day....

from an old email...

Yeah Allison lost our children because she was EXIGIENDOLA MUCHO and I said to her DEJE DE PEDIRLA YA!!! but she doesn't heard me and she lost the kids...but we can adopt 5 is cheaper in groups of 5
-minor

Art

Sarah put a short little post on her website where she asked what her readers think of Art. She especially wanted/or was interested in hearing how we think of it in terms of Christianity. This was really crazy to me, because I was driving over by the mall today, thinking about this. Mainly because I had been in William Sonoma admiring table clothes, and thinking how they can be peices of art just as much as Notre Dame.

As I drove out of the mall parking lot, I crossed Yosemite and got onto C470. The mountains were of course in plain sight, majestic and boring to me as they always are. For some reason I just started thinking about how God is the great Artist. The title of this blog is about seeing people for their God given beauty. Because we are all roses, in a sense of the word.

The table clothe I had been admiring (and nearly bought, yes, I am a freak)was blue with yellow. It had masterfully coloured flowers and stripes around the edges, it even had a few paislies. (You have to see it for it not to sound ugly.) And there was a pale yellow runner, that was wonderfully edged in a lacy sort of thread. The border was lovely. But it had nothing to compare to those brown mountains jutting out of the ground all the way out in Jeff Co. It was barely an imitation. The flowers were simply copies of a greater design. The lacy border on the runner was almost like a whispy impression of the wind as it whips through the aspens in fall.

Nothing, no matter how much time we spend on it, is ever very good. We, as humans, I think really suck at creating things. All books are really just there to fill a void or inform us, when really God is all that we need on either of those topics. Paintings are just a snapshot of God's creation. Speaking of snapshots-the same thing goes for photos. All art that is done by humans is really only an impression of what has already been done. And because of our sin, it is beautiful, but marred in imperfection. Nothing we create, design, write, paint, sculpt, draw--none of it will ever compare to the beauty that surrounds us. The beauty that was made by God.

I love art. But it is all so seemingly far away. So insignificant and indecent for the high courts that we will one day frequent. Here, it is beautiful and grand. The Taj Mahal may take away anyone's breath, as would the story behind it. But the Rockies jump out of the ground as you drive from the East. They soar into the sky undaunted by the passing years. The Statue of Liberty will rust and crumble, but Virginia Falls will flow unceasingly until their time is passed and gone.

Because what is made by God is incredible. What is made by man is simply bearable.

Vaarwel,
Sara

Hey Seniors!

I know not many of you really read this site, but oh well, this is for those who do!

I mentioned to Zman (and he thought it was cool) that we should have a dinner thing where the seniors serve the freshmen. I think it would be a cool way to welcome them to the youthgroup, even though they have been here for a few months. It would kind of let them know that we are cool people who want to hang with them, even though they are underclass and we are SENIORS! (woo)

So... Here's what I was thinking in a more simplistic format:


Not tomorrow but next Sunday before Elevation (4:30 or 5:00ish?)
Food: Steaks, (I have an awesome salad recipe) and maybe chicken (grilled of course)
at church in the cafe area (can we pleeease decorate it?)


so those are pretty much the bare basics. I thought it would be really cool if we did this, as more of a seniors/freshmen thing. Not like Donna and Becky have asked us to do this so we are begrudgingly doing it on the week before school starts.

I know that the church has tableclothes so we could make the tables look pretty. And use some nice chinette paper plates so it is nice but nothing much to clean up. And what else? Oh, some nice napkins that we can get at sam's and clear plastic cups. Because those are actually nice.

And we would like actually serve them, does that make sense? Like ask, do you want chicken or steak? do you want salad? and then get it for them. I just think it would be a cool sort of washing the feet humbling sort of act thing. Except it would be lacking the nasty dirty feet aspect.

Let me know what you think.

Jakshï bolzïn
sara

I cleaned out my closet...

I got rid of a lot of stuff. But not enough. I have more to lose, lots more of trash. I am a keeper. I keep random newspaper articles, smithsonian magazines for their pictures. All that jazz.

Somehow it doesn't feel like quite enough. Like I still have more to get rid of. So tomorrow I am going through my files of old poems (that are trash) old National Geographics, and Scientific Americans. It is going to be tossed. That crate is going goodbye, and so are all those nasty little dividers that I labeled in awful handwriting in 8th grade when I considered being organized a sort of mysterious gift that I was lacking.

Oh wait, it is something that I am lacking.

But you know, if I get rid of enough stuff, I won't have to be organized. There won't be anything left to be a mess with! Haha. But no joke. I have actually limited myself to what I can keep:

Clothes that I actually wear.
Things that go in my Hope Chest.
Smithsonian Magazines with AMAZING pictures (please note emphasis).
My books.
My shoes (yes I have a lot).
Hair/Perfumy kind of stuff that I actually use.

everything else must go!

Anyway this may seem like a random post, and it is. But I am putting it up in the hopes that maybe one or two people will ask me at church on Sunday: Hey! Did you clean out what you said you were going to?! If I have I can say, yes! and if not, I will go home and do it right away.

Wea jai,
Sara

Ay,

No puedo entender! Es increible!

En domingo, Connor me abrazó 4 veces. Me dijo, 'estoy bien ahorrita.' Es muy raro. Todo el tiempo, nosotros luchamos. En serio. A veces la culpa es mia, pero, en este verano, creo que yo he estado mas bien con él, y yo tenía mas paciencia. 3 semanas pasadas, él me dijo una cosa, que me molestaba muchismo. El proximo día, yo dije a Brittany, 'no quiero tratar con él, para ser amigos. No me importa. No vamos a ser amigos, no mas.'

Fue triste, pero un realidad en este momentico.

Pero, ahorrita?! Es increible. Es comó, hay una persona mas differente en el cuerpo de Connor. A veces quiero decir, 'hola? Quien es, y dondé está Connor?' Es comó.... comó comó comó, es comó ese es la persona que yo conocé 2 años pasados. Comó la persona yo conocía en Costa Rica (mas o menos).

Y me gusta este cambio. Es una obra de Dios, es muy obvio. No puedo describir a Uds. Solo puedo decirles, es increible, y una gran obra de Dios.

Me gusta esa persona. Ahorra, estoy orgullosa para llamarse Connor un hermano mio.

En Dios, todo es posible, nada es imposible con él.

En el amor de Jesucristo!
Sarita

(sara de arroyo... HAHA! Recuerdas, Minor? Pero no es la verdad ahorra. Es mas comó Rachel de Arroyo! Haha. Deje de pedirla wirdo)

A Long Time Ago.....

"What do you think that is?" he said, pointing down at the ground that seemed so very far away. She pulled her legs back tightly against the edge of the floor so that she could see beyond her perfect toes. Then, with a shrug of her shoulders she relaxed her calves and let them swing back and forth over the edge.

"How should I know, do you think I'm God?" They laughed at that. "Look," she said, pointing to their left. A soft white puff wafted towards them through the star studded sky. "Come on," she said with a little giggle. They grabbed hands and lept onto the gentle white air. Wading through the mists and changing depths of the cloud they reached the edge. They laid down on their stomachs and leaned over to watch the day's creation below.

"Look at that!" He said with awe in his voice as dirt was scooped up from the fresh ground and spit on. The wet mud rolled around in the Maker's hand, gently pressed and formed. "Whoa, that's insane." She laughed slightly at his amazement, but inside, she felt the same.

Slowly the clay took form. First a long rod. Then it had branches come out of it in five places. One branch was molded and bent to have movable joints, and then flattened at the end for a base. The one next to it went the same way. At almost the top of the shape, the next two branches got their own joints, but these were different. Five tiny twigs appeared in perfect shape,at the very ends, all of varying lengths.

The next branch was beyond far the greatest to watch. Her eyes danced in wonder as she watched. He gasped in awe. Carefully the branch was smoothed into a round sort of ball shape. Two small ovals in the middle with coverings. A pointed section that came off the ball between the two ovals. A curved opening just under the point, slightly redder than the rest of the ball. "What do you think those are?" She asked, pointing to something on the sides of the ball. One on each side, shaped almost like the wing of a butterfly. But it wasn't a wing.

"I think," he paused to think, "don't the really big fat gray things have those too? I think He called them," he scratched his head, "I think He called them ears. Yeah, ears, that's it. Those are ears."

"Ears? Gabriel, be serious."

"Sh! Watch!" They leaned forward in rapt attention. The 'ears' were covered now by a light layer of fur on top of the ball. The form was lifted up by a gentle hand. Up into the tree tops, where the arms had been reaching down from. A face appeared and leaned over the body. There was a wind, mighty and rushing so that it even blew their seat back from the ground, further than it already was.

"Whoa."

"Did He just---"

"Yeah, He just breathed into it. His own breath."

"Whoa."

Today is the Virgin's day

in Costa Rica. They don't have school or work or anything. This is the day when people from all over the country walk to Cartago to the Basilica. The Basilica is the biggest church in Costa Rica, really big. I've been there. And then outside, is this fountain sort of thing, that has 'holy water.' I saw a man fill a big jug with that water.

It's so sad. Mark Edwards walked with people there one time. He went up to all sorts of the ticos and tried to tell them about God's love. About how this walk means nothing, all they need is Jesus. Ernesto told me that Mark almost started crying, he was in so much pain for the ticos.

The world is so lost. I feel so incredibly helpless to do anything. Like I can't help anyone. I feel so stuck in this little cocoon that I am in. No one listens to me very seriously. No one really respects my ideas because I am too old fashioned. And of course, I know nothing of boys considering my singleness.

I don't know. I want something to do. I want to help the world, but I feel so trapped. I feel like no one wants my help. I can listen to poeple all day long, and I know that is what they want, but it doesn't seem like enough.

I feel useless.

Interesting

Jesus did not die at the hands of muggers, rapists, or thugs. He fell into the well-scrubbed hands of deeply religious people, society's most respected members.

-Brennan Manning

home sweet home

I have nothing to say. Yea.

I really miss Costa Rica. Which is strange, isn't it? I am really liking Colorado right now. And yet I am still missing Costa Rica.

We went to South Dakota for vacation. There was nothing there. We went through a town called Lost Springs. It had a population of 1. 1!!! I mean seriously, I thought that couldn't count for an actual town...

Anyway, I got to drive home for the last two or three hours of the way. From Cheyenne apx. We were just coming onto the edge of Fort Collins, and it was late, and I could see all these beautiful yellow and white lights shinning in the darkness. And they were blinking on and off as civilization progressed with its night. And I can not begin to describe to you.

It was beautiful.

I started laughing, almost hysterically. "Look! Lights! Civilization!" My dad looks up from, whatever he was looking down at.

"Oh, yea, Fort Collins."

So I know it wasn't Denver or anything, but I just don't know how to explain this. It was like coming home. I've hardly ever thought of Colorado as home. But getting back from Lost Springs South Dakota, it was amazing. All those lights gleaming, reaching out into the night welcoming me back home. Home.

I like living in Colorado. Woo. I have never liked it before. I have lived here 4 years, and hated it all that time. I mean, I've been content and complacent about it. It isn't as though I pray every night to move or something. But for the first time, I thanked God for Colorado. I thanked him, becasue I was so excited to come home. For the first time I actually looked at those mountains, and thought to myself.

Wow, there really is no place like home.

Last night at wendy's....

Ryan: they broke my jaw... couldn't eat solid food for 6 weeks, I lost 12 pounds, and I got lots of vikoden
Cierra: I love vikoden, I got it when they took out my wisdom teeth, it helped me sleep really well
Me: I was really weird on vikoden.. or was it perkoset? No I think it was vikoden
Austin: I take vikoden on weekends