i'm at Northwestern in st. paul minesota. we flew in yesterday and as the plane pulled into the air port it was snowing. it looked just like illinios. it was like pulling into ohare, even though i've never actually been at the air port in the winter. but i could just imagine.

and i'm going to the cafe with Annemarie. so i will finish later.


finishing:

so anyway. it's been weird, because i'd been thinking about chicago a lot lately. that's why i started writing my vignettes story. i'd been missing everyone, and everything. i was at perkins with my dad having lunch today after church. we started talking about guys, and then tonight before the orientation started. i was saying that one of my friends is really immature, which he is, and my dad says that i have really high expectations.

it was really weird. i started babbling, something i do when i'm frustrated. i just went on about how if i had stayed in geneva i would have a boyfriend. i would have dated cody, or caleb. what about Joe? or even Andrew. to which my dad made a face. about how i couldn't date andrew at least never with the prospect of being serious, because he wouldn't let me be in such a high control family like the nicodems.

but it's annoying. i don't have close friends at school, which i think is screwed up becaus e a lot of people from church go there. and i never feel at home anywhere except with mrs. walsh sometimes, which is screwy in and of itself. i don't know that i will ever date in high school, which is not trying to be pessimistic, but i don't know who i will date unless it's someone in the youthgroup. HA! like that's going to happen.

and i really hate colorado. i hate the weather. i hate the dryness. i hate how everyone is so filthy rich and totally selfish. i hate how it's made me cynical so much in the last year or so. i hate that i hate it.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i miss chicago so much, and i don't knowhow to talk to anyone about it, i don't know that anyone would understand. last hear i had moved on. i moved on after eighth grade for crying out loud. and now, it's all i can think about. how i had friends there, and people loved me. the small town, knowing everyone. i knew everyone at school, everyone at church knew me whether i wanted them to or not. i knew that town like the back of my hand, i'm so lost in colorado.

but then i have to be honest. kathleen and i would not be friends if we hadn't moved here. i wouldn't know the awesome game of rugby (you should come to my games!) i wouldn't have met Sara, and in some crazy ways that girl has really changed my life. i wouldn't know what it feels like to run a mile at sea level with no trouble. i wouldn't have met Kathryn Pavao and i wouldn't have ralized quite how good i have it. I wouldn' tknow Amanda so well, and I never would have met Kyle.

but the whole boy thing would be totally different if we hadn't move. i might actually be dating someone. (gasp) crazy thought i know. and in some ways, i wouldn't have some of the security issues i have to deal with now.

i totally want to do chair ramming. mmm, and caribou coffee sounds really good.