I'm back at school after a great relaxing spring break. Yesterday I started classes. I had three out of my four: Christian Formation, Social Darwinism in Politics and Foundations for Educational Ministry. I'm pretty excited about all of them. We did everything from watching ten minutes of the Matrix (do you want the truth Neo? or do you want to go back to the easy life?) to discussing mathematics in terms of Intelligent Design. Yep, it was a very interesting day.
Not a whole lot else has happened. Two of my friends and I went swimming last night at the community pool. We're going to swim laps about three times a week, it's going to be wonderful. My friend Kellie and I also visited U-Village, it's a cute little shopping center by University of WA--sort of like a very compact Aspen Grove in Colorado. It's wonderful, the Barnes and Noble is glouriously huge and i shouldn't go in there with a credit card.
In other news... I have plenty to do today. A book to read, a third of another book to read, an essay by Dr. West to read, and a scholarship application to fill out. So, as this quarter is off to a busy start, please just keep me in your prayers that I would be able to finish strong in these last ten weeks. The sun outside is quite wonderful, but very distracting (as is my computer...). Also, roommate things are starting to pick up, and I don't want to be in the middle of a threesome who all want to room together. That always makes things interesting.
So, that's about it. Please just keep me in your prayers. I'm learning a lot right now in my walk with God and much of it is difficult. My room is already a mess and I'll have to clean it before I can even begin to start thinking about all my homework. And both jobs that I was looking into have not worked out. But most of all, I just need prayer for my walk with God and all that He is teaching me. No pain, no gain, definitely does not apply to only physical things. :o) But perserverance produces character and hope right? yeah, so things should be interesintg the next couple of months.
baruch ADONAI,
sara
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
29.3.07
8.3.07
Does anyone still read this?
somehow I feel that blogsa re becoming a thing of the past.
Well. to life.
I am going to Robb's house tomorrow. Yaaaaaaaaay. I got to talk to him on Tuesday night, that was really good. I am so obsessed with finding a new older brother on campus. Even if he doesn't yet know it. Actually, I think he kind of does, because of the way we talk to each other, and I'm in love with it.
In other news, finals are next week. That could be interesting for UCOR. Erk. I met with Dr. Davis yesterday. I am so obsessed with him too. It was one of the more amazing half hours of my life. My desk is a mess, and i have two papers to write today. Schweet. There are over 100 pictures of me on facebook, and many of them are most unattractive.
I find out about PA next friday. I am nervous. It would be an incredible blessing to recieve that honour, and yet, an incredible joy not to have that. I think, either way, I will cry. And how will that be, without my friends to surround me?
Popi, popi, I want to go to Turkey so badly. I've wanted to go for over a year. You know that, and I could go back to Mexico. What of that? Do you think so little of my desires? Do you know the pain I feel each day, waking up in this dreary city so full of life and dead to everything? Do you know the horror I feel on this campus? Only absorbed by Kayti and Alicia and the prayer group? Do you know the way my heart aches to be gone? to be struggling, to be growing, to be in pain?
But this is pain. And then, what would I have done without Naomi and Robb? Could life have existed?
Ahh MuKappa, I do love thee
en shallah, shalom,
sara
8.2.07
Okay this is mainly for me, so I can remember in years to come
I spent last night with Noelle. AMAZING. oh, how I adore that girl. Here's how it went.
It had rained (surprise? I think not) so we didn't want to sit on the porch, so we decided to go to Starbucks at the top of Queen Anne and get tea/chair. I got a London Fog and the girl even knew what it was so I didn't have to explain it and feel like a freak (as I had in the SUB when Tiffany just stared at me). So after we got my London Fog and her Chai we walked up and down the stree, past the bright lights of Safeway and around the men sitting outside Cafe Ladro on the adirondacks. It was so much fun. Just up and down, up and down.
We first (after Traci) talked about our life plans. Noelle is going to make a show that will end up on PBS about animals, because she is so obsessed with animal planet. Jen will be in on this too and will be the steady more normalish person while Noelle will draw in the crazies. Okay, so this show will make them multi millionaires, at which point Noelle will travel around and do missionary work. She won't even have to raise support becuase she will be living off the PBS show's money. (She may pass this down to someone or just do reruns, we couldn't decide.)
She meets a husband of course, they get married at about 27, we thought that was a nice round number. She has SIX kids, not even with Csections, my oh my is she brave. They will travel around the world as a family learnign to love and take care of each other, but also being crazy, because you have to be crazy and have fun if you're going to be in Nole's family. The kids will be great, well rounded, cultured, love Jesus, everything. And then she's going to be an amazing grandmoether, etc...
ME! Mine is less specific. I am going to the Middle East after graduation. I am going to preach the gospel, love, truth, beauty, and of course will be thrown in jail. But that is where the story begins. (laughter) I am going to write a book while in prison, it will be about love, joy, peace, reconciliation, all that is good in the world (and of course, Jesus too). This book will be written on scraps of toilet paper and the inside of my clothing (wouldn't want to make the guards suspicious). Of course, it will win a Pulitzer Prize, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. One day, the guards will be angry anyway, probably because I keep trying to convert them. They'll come in and start beating me. But in the midst of my crying out "Jesus, save me!" there will be a clamor fromt he cell across the hall. Someone is shouting for them to have mercy, to torture him in my place.
You've guessed it. We meet through the bars in this subterranean prison, fall desperately in love and promise to marry the day we are released. And we will be released, because by this point, Noelle will be a Nobel Peace Prize winner, and she is out there doing advocacy for us. We get out, get married in our rags by the nearest preacher or rabbi or even Noelle herself. (I don't think it would count if an Imam did it...) We'll have FIVE kids, hopefully a pair of which will be twins. AH! I'm so excited. We'll move to Latin America and love the people and do great things in the Name and Glory of GOD.
Can life get better? And just think! Everyone will want to come to SPU after that. Jen will attract the normal ones, I'll get the Bible Thumping Zealots and Noelle will make the crazies salivate over our little college at the bottom of Queen Anne Hill.
Okay, the night gets better.
We sit in Noelle's car and she is telling me what she is learning about God. AHHHHHH. So exciting, I am practically shaking and going mad with joy and excitement. Okay, here is what God has done. Clark is really anti God and church and thinks we are all fools for believing in it. Anyway, he came to visit over homecoming weekend, and Noelle asked him to go to Mars Hill with her on Sunday. The parentals were coming, all that, and she told him she didn't want to pressure him or make him do something he didn't want to, but this is a part of her life and family weekend is about sharing in your sister's life. So he went. And Noelle is just praying, Oh God, I don't know how. But please, please let it speak to Clark. Please let Mark say someonthing you did it for me, please do it for him.
Mark taught about Christianity in business.
Clark is getting ready to take over his dad's business.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Jesus, you are SO amazing. I can't even get over it!!!!!!!!!!!! Noelle said that so much of what he talked baout was Clark, Clark, Clark, Listen up kiddo! He talked about money, and how we shouldn't work just to earn money and get rich--totally opposite of Clark. And Mark talked about being wise, and shrewd, but not taking advantage of others. He talked about hard work and so much more. Oh, GOD YOU ARE SO AMAZING.
Clark told Noelle after the service that he wished he lived in Seattle so he could go to Mars Hill. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you kjnow what a jump that is for him? Noelle's entire family is ust discovering God. It made me want to jump up and down and scream and shout praises to God. He is so incredible. He loves us and he just wants to be with us and draw us to him. He is GREAT.
We talked about other things, like people who don't believe and what happens to them. Also people who never hear that name of Jesus. And we talked about, oh everything! I told her that sometimes I want to run and shout and sing for God, but I can't do that in a dorm. Well, NOelle is crazy, as has already been mentioned. So we decided that sometime I am going to come down to Emerson and we are just going to run through the halls yelling about Jesus, and brusting into song as the Spirit leads. OH my word, I am so excited.
She also tlaked about how some people just don't take it seriously. (There are a lot of people like that here.) She said that if Christians really love God and that is really what they are all about there should be something different. Like with Nick, and then she said the most beautiful words to me. "You konw, like you. You are so full of life and joy, Sara Bibb. There is something different about you." AHHHHHHH. Jesus, no one has ever said that to me! I've always wondered if there really was something different about me, or if I was just the same as the world. But Noelle said I was different, am I'm full of joy!! God, I'm full of your JOY!
And then I was walking home, and it was starting to rain. (surprise?) I was walking along, kind of sorry for myself that I was missing our raid (though Noelle was SO beyond worth it) and sad that my hair was getting wet. (because I hadn't just showered a few hours before) Suddenly, I had this thought. Jesus rains down mercy on us, he showers us with love and grace. Just like the rain. I started dancing.
"I don't even understand it Sara Bibb. I'm not a good person. But when I pray for stuff like this, God always answers it. I just don't even get it."
(take it, love it, revel in it. It is her story, it is my story, it is your story, it is the story of God that we are all caught up in.)
It had rained (surprise? I think not) so we didn't want to sit on the porch, so we decided to go to Starbucks at the top of Queen Anne and get tea/chair. I got a London Fog and the girl even knew what it was so I didn't have to explain it and feel like a freak (as I had in the SUB when Tiffany just stared at me). So after we got my London Fog and her Chai we walked up and down the stree, past the bright lights of Safeway and around the men sitting outside Cafe Ladro on the adirondacks. It was so much fun. Just up and down, up and down.
We first (after Traci) talked about our life plans. Noelle is going to make a show that will end up on PBS about animals, because she is so obsessed with animal planet. Jen will be in on this too and will be the steady more normalish person while Noelle will draw in the crazies. Okay, so this show will make them multi millionaires, at which point Noelle will travel around and do missionary work. She won't even have to raise support becuase she will be living off the PBS show's money. (She may pass this down to someone or just do reruns, we couldn't decide.)
She meets a husband of course, they get married at about 27, we thought that was a nice round number. She has SIX kids, not even with Csections, my oh my is she brave. They will travel around the world as a family learnign to love and take care of each other, but also being crazy, because you have to be crazy and have fun if you're going to be in Nole's family. The kids will be great, well rounded, cultured, love Jesus, everything. And then she's going to be an amazing grandmoether, etc...
ME! Mine is less specific. I am going to the Middle East after graduation. I am going to preach the gospel, love, truth, beauty, and of course will be thrown in jail. But that is where the story begins. (laughter) I am going to write a book while in prison, it will be about love, joy, peace, reconciliation, all that is good in the world (and of course, Jesus too). This book will be written on scraps of toilet paper and the inside of my clothing (wouldn't want to make the guards suspicious). Of course, it will win a Pulitzer Prize, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. One day, the guards will be angry anyway, probably because I keep trying to convert them. They'll come in and start beating me. But in the midst of my crying out "Jesus, save me!" there will be a clamor fromt he cell across the hall. Someone is shouting for them to have mercy, to torture him in my place.
You've guessed it. We meet through the bars in this subterranean prison, fall desperately in love and promise to marry the day we are released. And we will be released, because by this point, Noelle will be a Nobel Peace Prize winner, and she is out there doing advocacy for us. We get out, get married in our rags by the nearest preacher or rabbi or even Noelle herself. (I don't think it would count if an Imam did it...) We'll have FIVE kids, hopefully a pair of which will be twins. AH! I'm so excited. We'll move to Latin America and love the people and do great things in the Name and Glory of GOD.
Can life get better? And just think! Everyone will want to come to SPU after that. Jen will attract the normal ones, I'll get the Bible Thumping Zealots and Noelle will make the crazies salivate over our little college at the bottom of Queen Anne Hill.
Okay, the night gets better.
We sit in Noelle's car and she is telling me what she is learning about God. AHHHHHH. So exciting, I am practically shaking and going mad with joy and excitement. Okay, here is what God has done. Clark is really anti God and church and thinks we are all fools for believing in it. Anyway, he came to visit over homecoming weekend, and Noelle asked him to go to Mars Hill with her on Sunday. The parentals were coming, all that, and she told him she didn't want to pressure him or make him do something he didn't want to, but this is a part of her life and family weekend is about sharing in your sister's life. So he went. And Noelle is just praying, Oh God, I don't know how. But please, please let it speak to Clark. Please let Mark say someonthing you did it for me, please do it for him.
Mark taught about Christianity in business.
Clark is getting ready to take over his dad's business.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Jesus, you are SO amazing. I can't even get over it!!!!!!!!!!!! Noelle said that so much of what he talked baout was Clark, Clark, Clark, Listen up kiddo! He talked about money, and how we shouldn't work just to earn money and get rich--totally opposite of Clark. And Mark talked about being wise, and shrewd, but not taking advantage of others. He talked about hard work and so much more. Oh, GOD YOU ARE SO AMAZING.
Clark told Noelle after the service that he wished he lived in Seattle so he could go to Mars Hill. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you kjnow what a jump that is for him? Noelle's entire family is ust discovering God. It made me want to jump up and down and scream and shout praises to God. He is so incredible. He loves us and he just wants to be with us and draw us to him. He is GREAT.
We talked about other things, like people who don't believe and what happens to them. Also people who never hear that name of Jesus. And we talked about, oh everything! I told her that sometimes I want to run and shout and sing for God, but I can't do that in a dorm. Well, NOelle is crazy, as has already been mentioned. So we decided that sometime I am going to come down to Emerson and we are just going to run through the halls yelling about Jesus, and brusting into song as the Spirit leads. OH my word, I am so excited.
She also tlaked about how some people just don't take it seriously. (There are a lot of people like that here.) She said that if Christians really love God and that is really what they are all about there should be something different. Like with Nick, and then she said the most beautiful words to me. "You konw, like you. You are so full of life and joy, Sara Bibb. There is something different about you." AHHHHHHH. Jesus, no one has ever said that to me! I've always wondered if there really was something different about me, or if I was just the same as the world. But Noelle said I was different, am I'm full of joy!! God, I'm full of your JOY!
And then I was walking home, and it was starting to rain. (surprise?) I was walking along, kind of sorry for myself that I was missing our raid (though Noelle was SO beyond worth it) and sad that my hair was getting wet. (because I hadn't just showered a few hours before) Suddenly, I had this thought. Jesus rains down mercy on us, he showers us with love and grace. Just like the rain. I started dancing.
Dancing and laughing and singing and telling Jesus just how amazing he is. Because he is. Oh, he is. God, what can I even begin to say about you? I should have written down the psalm that was in my heart last night. But even that could not begin to describe the wonders of Glory, peace, grace, love, justice and everything else that is you and yet hardly begins to comprehend you. What glorious beauty it is to know you. I have decided that beauty is not just an idea, I can taste it, feel it, drink and sleep in it.
"I don't even understand it Sara Bibb. I'm not a good person. But when I pray for stuff like this, God always answers it. I just don't even get it."
(take it, love it, revel in it. It is her story, it is my story, it is your story, it is the story of God that we are all caught up in.)
17.1.07
(sighing)
I can't decide how I feel about a certain friend. Ah me, I think I personalize too much of what is said. I should work on that.
Connor, Connor, will you ever updat? I can't even think about linking you until you update. You should be proud of me, though you'll never read this. I pick up the NY Times every day. I even read it. (and then I recycle. Yes, I am green!) I was right about Obama. Of course I was. I've been predicting it since last year. (and I mean school year not as in December 29th jaja) Do you think Hilary will make it out of the primaries? I don't think she will. I think it would be too difficult of a ticket for the Dems to propose. She simply has too high of a hate index, she's too controversial. I'm hearing that her lax position on the 'war' even has several Democrats against her. And what was she thinking spending all that time in Pakistan and Iraq? She let Obama have the entire state of NY to himself for a few days! What foolishness. Do you think Kerry will really make a run at it? And on the Republican side, all I have heard is the Mormon from Massachusettes. Who else Connor? Where are you when I need you to tell me who else in the beloved party is going to run? Somehow, I miss our sparing. Have I told you Connor? I'm going to be a PoliSci major. Who'd've picked it? I told Meyer, he just stared at me and then said, "but you slept through AP Gov." Jaja. What ironies of life.
I woke up this morning happy. Do you know how long it has been since that happened? And I didn't have a headache. Maybe this whole not cracking my neck/back oath with God really has some ramifications. Either way, I'm keeping it.
Either way, I was happy. Or content. Somewhere in my dreams, or perhaps in floor worship last night, something changed. God seemed to have changed, but then, that isn't possible. I guess I changed then. Of course, it seems so logical, so simple to say that. But something in it seems so much wider and deeper to me. I changed. I became more aligned with who God is. I fell down a level and deeper into the great waters of his love. I think the water up there, it was icy and cold, I had to be woken up to something. I had to be refreshed. Kenji says you can only be refreshed to a certain point before you want to climb back into the car and be comfortable again. But God didn't leave that as an option. He held my head under icy water, icy and then released me. I don't even think I came up for air before I sank down deeper. And there was something I found below the arctic. I didn't know which way was up or down, I was swimming in dark circles, full of pain and confusion. It hurt. A lot. And then I got down, somehow He pulled me down, and I found that the water below the ice is actually warmer.
Isn't that something? It was warmer. Sweeter. Not comfortable. But then not so painful. I think there must be words swarming all around me in the water. My eyes are being washed. Sometimes, silt and sand comes in and it hurts. It burns. But it seems to scrape a film from my cornea. And then I can see even more clearly. It's like an exfoliant for my eyes, and my skin as well. I'm being scraped of my humanness. I'm learning what it is to be without humanity.
And somehow, it is beautiful. In all its unexpectancy.
Connor, Connor, will you ever updat? I can't even think about linking you until you update. You should be proud of me, though you'll never read this. I pick up the NY Times every day. I even read it. (and then I recycle. Yes, I am green!) I was right about Obama. Of course I was. I've been predicting it since last year. (and I mean school year not as in December 29th jaja) Do you think Hilary will make it out of the primaries? I don't think she will. I think it would be too difficult of a ticket for the Dems to propose. She simply has too high of a hate index, she's too controversial. I'm hearing that her lax position on the 'war' even has several Democrats against her. And what was she thinking spending all that time in Pakistan and Iraq? She let Obama have the entire state of NY to himself for a few days! What foolishness. Do you think Kerry will really make a run at it? And on the Republican side, all I have heard is the Mormon from Massachusettes. Who else Connor? Where are you when I need you to tell me who else in the beloved party is going to run? Somehow, I miss our sparing. Have I told you Connor? I'm going to be a PoliSci major. Who'd've picked it? I told Meyer, he just stared at me and then said, "but you slept through AP Gov." Jaja. What ironies of life.
I woke up this morning happy. Do you know how long it has been since that happened? And I didn't have a headache. Maybe this whole not cracking my neck/back oath with God really has some ramifications. Either way, I'm keeping it.
Either way, I was happy. Or content. Somewhere in my dreams, or perhaps in floor worship last night, something changed. God seemed to have changed, but then, that isn't possible. I guess I changed then. Of course, it seems so logical, so simple to say that. But something in it seems so much wider and deeper to me. I changed. I became more aligned with who God is. I fell down a level and deeper into the great waters of his love. I think the water up there, it was icy and cold, I had to be woken up to something. I had to be refreshed. Kenji says you can only be refreshed to a certain point before you want to climb back into the car and be comfortable again. But God didn't leave that as an option. He held my head under icy water, icy and then released me. I don't even think I came up for air before I sank down deeper. And there was something I found below the arctic. I didn't know which way was up or down, I was swimming in dark circles, full of pain and confusion. It hurt. A lot. And then I got down, somehow He pulled me down, and I found that the water below the ice is actually warmer.
Isn't that something? It was warmer. Sweeter. Not comfortable. But then not so painful. I think there must be words swarming all around me in the water. My eyes are being washed. Sometimes, silt and sand comes in and it hurts. It burns. But it seems to scrape a film from my cornea. And then I can see even more clearly. It's like an exfoliant for my eyes, and my skin as well. I'm being scraped of my humanness. I'm learning what it is to be without humanity.
And somehow, it is beautiful. In all its unexpectancy.
16.1.07
dead
I am really tired. I didn't sleep last night. The room was too hot, my blankets drowned me. Suffocated me. My light managed to flick on and wake Karin. (today, in the air of our room, I can tell she is still upset though she would never admit) I read. Oh, it seemed so long since I had read.
Has Romans ever awoken such sorrow and self loathing before? Have I ever felt so unworthy, so perfectly disgusting and tired of the world before? Have I ever known such pain?
It was even literal. My head pounded, it had for hours. Later, I would wake in the night several time to find my head still boomed with thunder in my temples. Perhaps the weather, for it snowed today. It is snowing. This moment.
The moment is gone.
Has Romans ever stirred me so painfully? This hurts, so deeply, so badly. Oh Lord, why did you make me this way? I am in such pain, such tatters of myself, I can not be a human being. What is this flesh that I am wearing? It can not be real. I am cut to the core, I am cut through all I am. This can not be real.
But I read Romans, it is, it is real. I have traded such treasures for the quiet of my room. For the loneliness I complain of. I have traded such grandeur for lowly scraps from the table of sitra achra. I should pray Krias Schema. would I fee better then? Would something wake up? Would it come alive.
I am like Ivan Ilyich. I am screaming, but no one hears me, they are ignoring me. I am like the man with the lizard. The angel is cutting it away with his sword. I gave him permission, but it hurts! It burns! I am dying! I am dead! will it ever become the horse?
Romans. I can not recall ever reading it. But my blankets dragged me down into an abyss. Abyss. what a slithering word. The light hurt my eyes. Blinded, burned. Karin woke, she's angry now, cleaning the curling iron. Rolling thunder in my head, now the pain stretches to my neck, my shoulders. What pain is this? Have I ever felt it before?
Romans.
But Karin's phone begins to ring.
Has Romans ever awoken such sorrow and self loathing before? Have I ever felt so unworthy, so perfectly disgusting and tired of the world before? Have I ever known such pain?
It was even literal. My head pounded, it had for hours. Later, I would wake in the night several time to find my head still boomed with thunder in my temples. Perhaps the weather, for it snowed today. It is snowing. This moment.
The moment is gone.
Has Romans ever stirred me so painfully? This hurts, so deeply, so badly. Oh Lord, why did you make me this way? I am in such pain, such tatters of myself, I can not be a human being. What is this flesh that I am wearing? It can not be real. I am cut to the core, I am cut through all I am. This can not be real.
But I read Romans, it is, it is real. I have traded such treasures for the quiet of my room. For the loneliness I complain of. I have traded such grandeur for lowly scraps from the table of sitra achra. I should pray Krias Schema. would I fee better then? Would something wake up? Would it come alive.
I am like Ivan Ilyich. I am screaming, but no one hears me, they are ignoring me. I am like the man with the lizard. The angel is cutting it away with his sword. I gave him permission, but it hurts! It burns! I am dying! I am dead! will it ever become the horse?
Romans. I can not recall ever reading it. But my blankets dragged me down into an abyss. Abyss. what a slithering word. The light hurt my eyes. Blinded, burned. Karin woke, she's angry now, cleaning the curling iron. Rolling thunder in my head, now the pain stretches to my neck, my shoulders. What pain is this? Have I ever felt it before?
Romans.
But Karin's phone begins to ring.
12.1.07
5.1.07
[EDIT]
I WANT TO SHOUT FROM THE MOUNTAIN
oh my gosh. You guys. Do you realize how amazing God is? I have lately been seeing him in various things in my life. And he is insane!! He is so forgiving, so loving, so merciful, so incredible. Even when bad things happen, even when problems come up and we dont' know what to do, he is always there, working in hte background--working in the foreground. He is love.
HE IS GREAT.
I just want to stand on a car and sing at the top of my lungs. I want to run through the woods and dance over logs and laugh. I want to find someone and just hold hands, spinning in a circle, with our heads thrown back and our hair whipping in the wind, just screaming. I want to tell everyone. I wish I could stand on a mountain top, with the wind swirling snow around my ankles holding my hands up, leaning my head back, smiling, laughing, singing, with tears streaming down my face.
How could I have ever doubted? How could I have ever forgotten? How could I have ever wondered? And we did, we did forget. We did question. We did begin to believe the world. That apathy is all there is. That passion has no meaning. That love is small and easily discarded. That grace and joy are not the greatest reward.
And yet--they aren't! The glory of heaven, the glory of the Christian life--Glory-- is acceptance and welcoming by God into his arms. Glory is to be known. To be known.
oh my gosh. You guys. Do you realize how amazing God is? I have lately been seeing him in various things in my life. And he is insane!! He is so forgiving, so loving, so merciful, so incredible. Even when bad things happen, even when problems come up and we dont' know what to do, he is always there, working in hte background--working in the foreground. He is love.
HE IS GREAT.
I just want to stand on a car and sing at the top of my lungs. I want to run through the woods and dance over logs and laugh. I want to find someone and just hold hands, spinning in a circle, with our heads thrown back and our hair whipping in the wind, just screaming. I want to tell everyone. I wish I could stand on a mountain top, with the wind swirling snow around my ankles holding my hands up, leaning my head back, smiling, laughing, singing, with tears streaming down my face.
How could I have ever doubted? How could I have ever forgotten? How could I have ever wondered? And we did, we did forget. We did question. We did begin to believe the world. That apathy is all there is. That passion has no meaning. That love is small and easily discarded. That grace and joy are not the greatest reward.
And yet--they aren't! The glory of heaven, the glory of the Christian life--Glory-- is acceptance and welcoming by God into his arms. Glory is to be known. To be known.
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